I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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