They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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