my sisters under your porch take her home
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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