I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
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He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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