he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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