She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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