they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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