The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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