She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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