This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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