When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We're too hungover to prance.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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