Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
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The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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