hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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