Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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