did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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