it's too hot outside to masturbate.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize