I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize