if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
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We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Come on in and take your pants off
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