I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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