She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
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Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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