Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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