girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
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I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
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I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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