Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize