How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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