ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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