K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize