I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
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I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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