Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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