Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize