If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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