Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
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i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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