I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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