I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize