How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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