**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
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remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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