Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize