I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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