recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize