yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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