He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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