His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
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I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
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He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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