how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize