dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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