apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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