Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
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Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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