from now on my penis is your penis
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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