guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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