No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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