porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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