In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize